The Beauty in Saying “No”
Short version: saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person. If done right, you set healthy boundaries + save time AND energy. AKA, a win.
Long version:
Personally, this is a total work in progress. But I find joy in doing it (kindly, obviously) when it needs to happen and saves me time and energy. FYI: this is another one that I apply to personal and professional life, and feel that it works beautifully in both areas.
Let’s start with how this works in my personal life because I think I tend to start with professional too much. Or maybe your preference in the other way around? Let me know.
Personally, as someone who likes to serve others and to ensure people in my life are happy, it can definitely be hard to say “no”. It’s literally two letters. I know. But, my mom gave me the most elementary advice years ago, and has of course lectured my girlfriends on it too, that goes hand-in-hand with the say “no” rule.
“Do what makes you happy. If it doesn’t make Renee happy, say no. That’s it.” - mom
Rip it apart, send it to your group chats, do as you please. But think about it. When faced with: 1. someone asking you to do something; 2. someone asking you to attend something; 3. you get the point by now; HOW many times have you said “Yes” blindly with no regard for what you really want because your only concern is for the other person?
Before you make assumptions, I’m not some huge selfish dbag. I have and will put others before myself time and time again. But my point is that your happiness should always come first, at least when it’s appropriate. Do we find joy in or want to attend funerals? Probably not. But sometimes you do what you have to do.
I’m talking about the “Do you want to come to this dinner? It’s actually like a private party, so it’s a fixed price of $125 per person. It’s perfect because it’s unlimited food & booze” that you say yes to when your real objective is to stick to your gym schedule, food plan and savings goals. That’s when you build up the confidence to say “no”.
Professionally, it for sure can feel sticky to maneuver. The best reminder to bare in mind is that saying no does not equate to being rude or abrasive.
Example 1: Renee has a meeting scheduled for 3:30pmET. At 2:37pmET, she gets a message: “Renee, I know it’s last minute, but could you join this call at 3:30? It’s a prelim mtg but may be good for you to jump on if you can”.
This is, some may say, a dumb example. But the amount of times I’ve tried to be in both places, or have moved my own previously scheduled meeting to make it work for someone… it’s worth bringing up.
A simple “I would love to but I’ve got something at 3:30pm ET that I’ve already committed to. Can you let me know how it goes and send me the invite for the next one?” is fine.
Maybe it’s just me, but picking battles and valuing my own time is something I haven’t always been great at doing. I’ve come to learn that no one else will do either of those things on my behalf, and it’s BEYOND OK to do.
Your time is valuable. Your happiness is valuable. Your energy is valuable.
Practice saying “no”.
XO,
Renee
